The Grieving Student

A Guide for Schools

by

David J. Schonfeld, M.D., FAAP

Director, National Center for School Crisis and Bereavement,
Children’s Hospital Los Angeles
Professor of Clinical Pediatrics, Keck School of Medicine,
University of Southern California
Los Angeles

and

Marcia Quackenbush, M.S., MFT, MCHES

Advisor, National Center for School Crisis and Bereavement
Baltimore • London • Sydney

Excerpted from The Grieving Student A Guide for Schools, Second Edition by David Schonfeld, M.D., & Marcia Quackenbush, M.S., M.F.T., C.H.E.S

About the Authors

David J. Schonfeld, M.D., FAAP

Director of the National Center for School Crisis and Bereavement (NCSCB) at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles and Professor of Clinical Pediatrics at Keck School of Medicine of the University of Southern California, has provided consultation, technical assistance, and training in the areas of pediatric bereavement and school crisis preparedness and response for more than 3 decades. He has provided more than 1,000 presentations on the topics of crisis and loss, including presentations at national and international meetings throughout the United States and abroad.

Marcia Quackenbush, M.S., MFT, MCHES

A licensed family therapist and certified Master Health Education Specialist with more than 20 years of clinical mental health experience, much of which has been focused on children, adolescents, and families of people living with life-changing conditions or coping with terminal illness.

About the National Center for School Crisis and Bereavement

The NCSCB was founded in 2005 with support from the September 11th Children’s Fund and the National Philanthropic Trust. The Center has provided support to schools and communities across the country and abroad. The goals of the NCSCB are to promote an appreciation of the role schools can serve to support students, staff, and families at times of crisis and loss; to link efforts to provide trauma-related and bereavement support services within school settings; and to serve as a resource for information, training materials, consultation, and technical assistance.

Foreword

I have spent more than 16 years working in America’s urban school districts...

Why Schools and Educators?

Introduction

The emphasis of this book is to help students who are grieving. One of the most effective ways to do this is to help all children understand more about death as part of their ongoing learning about life. Virtually all students will, at some point, deal with the death of a family member or friend. Offering anticipatory guidance provides them with the understanding and resources that will allow them to better cope when such losses occur.

Schools Are a Supportive Environment

Students look to educators for support and guidance with a variety of issues. Educators are uniquely qualified to help students understand more about death.

Understanding What to Do

Educators may feel apprehensive about having conversations with students concerning death for valid reasons. The same strategies and skills that allow educators to be effective in other areas of teaching also apply when talking with children about death and grief.

Key Concepts

• Children benefit by learning more about death and grief.
• Schools are an excellent setting for this learning.
• Educators can help all students learn about death through planned coursework, teachable moments at the class level, and teachable moments with individuals or small groups.

Suggestions for Educators

• Respond constructively to children’s common feelings and behaviors after a death.
• Learn what to say and what not to say when a child is grieving.
• Use simple commemorative activities at school to help students cope with their feelings.